Murphy One

So....Murphy was my first real sponsor in 12 Step Recovery. My previous two sponsors were really ineffective in my sobriety path. The first man bombarded me with his religious beliefs. The second man was intimidated by my drug use history and did not understand my needs around talking about it. Murphy was a fearless total asshole and embraced me without judgment. He died of brain cancer 17 years ago. I still work with him in Spirit. I will now begin to tell you about him......

In June of 1986 I walked into an AA meeting, walking distance from my house. It was in a city council chambers and there were two meetings a week held there. A year earlier, I was asked to leave that meeting and go to Narcotics Anonymous as I was a "drugger". The "old timers" in that meeting did not want to hear about intravenous drug use and all the bells and whistles that accompanied such atrocious behavior. Yet I got more out of AA so I went back with a few months clean and sober....

There was a man in the meeting who was disruptive, profane, and made me laugh. They called him Murphy. I continued to go to that meeting just to hear him speak, as he spoke what he felt. I pretty much kept my mouth shut as I knew not to talk about drugs as per my previous experience. Murphy and I had not talked, yet we sized each other up and smiled a smile at one another. Two troublemakers in a room of 50 or so people, and I had yet to cause any trouble.

One Friday night, I found a meeting in the University District of Seattle. A Men's Stag meeting which was in the basement of a Church. I walked in and lo and behold, there's Murphy. He smiled an impish smile at me and nodded his head. There were about 20 men there and I was in an angry mood. Every man talked in this meeting and it was over when it was over, sometimes running a couple of hours. Turned out to be the oldest meeting in Puget Sound at the time, something like 46 years old.

As I sat and listened to six or eight men, my turn came around. I started talking about my drug use and one man interrupted me and told me to go to NA. I threw a fit and wiped a few ashtrays off the table and flipped the table upside down, sending a couple of cups of coffee spinning on the floor. I ranted for a few minutes about all the old assholes in AA that don't welcome a man like me, even though in my alcohol use I drank a fifth a day plus a six pack or more of beer. When I drank wine, I would drink the whole half gallon. Yes, I was also an alcoholic, and I just happened to do drugs as well.

I stood there with my fists balled up and vibrating like a jackhammer when I finished my oratory. Murphy spoke first by saying, "are you done?", to which I replied that I was. He then said, "keep coming back so we can needle you a little bit", and they all laughed their asses off. I then walked out slamming the door as hard as I possibly could, then went home feeling better after speaking my voice about not feeling accepted in AA.

At the Sunday city hall meeting close to home, Murphy sat next to me and wanted to know if I drank or used after the Friday meeting. I told him no and he invited me for coffee after the meeting. He thanked me for waking up the Friday Men's Meeting. He said that after I left, the men felt like shit for laughing at me. He asked me to come back and tear into them again. The following Friday, I returned to open arms and more laughter than I could have expected. On crusty old curmudgeon handed me a box that contained a foot long Veterinary syringe. I sucked up his coffee with it and threatened to put it in appropriated orifice. This was the first time I felt totally accepted in AA.

I walked up to Murphy after that meeting, pigeon toed and hesitant. He saw me coming and braced himself as he intuitively knew my intention. I asked him if he would sponsor me. He said, "fuck no, go get a sponsor in NA." Then he started laughing and said yes, that he would sponsor me. He told me sobriety was easy. "Just inhale and exhale, and don't drink or use between breaths". He told me to go to the meetings he attended, (which I already was) read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and work the steps with him. I now had a sponsor who, as it turned out, sponsored a couple of dozen men. I was so very grateful to have this caustic, profane, prick of a man to look up to.

StevenLoon

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If I can get through the day without condemning, criticizing or complaining, it's been a good day. If I don't give advice, it's been perfect. - Flloyd Ashcraft